I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
