i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
