I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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