You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
