The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
