I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She bit a glass in half.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
