you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
