so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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