Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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