I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
