I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
