The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
