i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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