Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
