We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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