There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
