Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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