Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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