Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
