we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
