my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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