Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
