Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
