just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
