these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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