Swine flu. Run for my life!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
