I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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