I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
