Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
