In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
