Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
