Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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