sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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