Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
