used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
