Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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