I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
