I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
