well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
