I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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