The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
