why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
