he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
