I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
