I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
