she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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