A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
