how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
