can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
