Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
