i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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