Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
