I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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