oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
