I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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