I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
God, I missed his penis.
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