just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
