During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
