My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
