Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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